Home sweet home,

How to increase and sustain Love according to Islam

9:52 PM S. H. 0 Comments

If you ask me why do I blog? I'll tell you that, since I have this blog I been learning more than what I had ever imagined , this blog has been a link between amazing people,places,friends,etc, and me,it has helped me to discover that I can create beautiful things and enjoy with it,one of that things is my Shop which I called Muslim Elegance in honor to the elegance of a Muslim Woman in this case on her wedding day, this has guide me to a new research of information about couple's relationships according to Islam and Hadiths of the Prophet which has helped me a lot.

Today I had the kind visit to my FaceBook Shop of a Non-Muslim Woman explaining me how the Arabic class in her school gives to her peace on her mind, and she asked if the Prophet speak of communication within marriage or only reaction to behavior?.

The Prophet (PBUH) give us examples not only of this but also about communication,caring,understanding,validation, Devotion,and Reassurance between couples,just to mention some.

Muslims view marriage as the foundation of society and family life. In a practical aspect, Islamic marriage is thus structured through legally-enforceable rights and duties of both parties. In an atmosphere of love and respect, these rights and duties provide a framework for the balance of family life and the fulfillment of both partners.

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and
mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect."
(Qur'an 30:21)

In the Qur'an, the marriage relationship is described as one with "tranquility," "love" and "mercy." Elsewhere in the Qur'an, husband and wife are described as "garments" for each other (2:187). Garments offer protection, comfort, modesty, and warmth. Above all, the Qur'an describes that the best garment is the "garment of God-consciousness" (7:26).


In this case because who is asking me is a woman I'll mention first some hadiths and examples of every day situations between couples focused on how a woman must be treated for her husband in certain cases and vice versa,according the Examples and hadiths of the Prophet (PBUH).

The beneficial insight will only increase and sustain LOVE between lovers in Islam. The information is valuable for all whether married or not.

Love needs of women. If you fulfil these needs, the bonds of love will only strengthen.


Caring:
Hadith in Sahih Al-Bukhari
Anas ibn Malik narrates, "I saw the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam), making for her (Safiya) a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel)."

when a husband shows interest in his wife's feelings and heartfelt concern for her well-being, she feels *cared for*.

Understanding
When the husband listens without judgement but with empathy and relatedness to his wife expressing her feelings, she feels heard and *understood*. Don't presume to already know your wife's thoughts or feelings when she is trying to communicate them to you. Instead, gather meaning from what is being said.

Example: If your wife is talking about the frustrations of the day how unbearably long the line was at the supermarket, just listen to her and when she's finished, say, "Wow, that must have really tried your patience!" Show her that you understand her feelings and can relate to her experience. Don't say, "Ummm... You should have just used the self-checkout." Instead, just listen and show you understand without offering solutions. Later on, when she's not venting, you can suggest that she try the self checkout.

Respect
When the husband responds to his wife in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes, and needs, she feels *respected*. Physical expressions of respect like flowers, gifts, keeping her likes/dislikes in mind, and showing your appreciation are essential.

Example: Make an effort to look good for her. Give her gifts - they don't have to be big or expensive. Always show her appreciation for even the little things she does.

Validation
When the husband does not object to or argue with a woman's feelings and wants, but instead accepts and confirms their *validity*, she feels loved. Confirm her right to feel the way she does. (You can confirm her point of view even if you have a different point of view).

Example:
Once during a journey, Safiyyah (radi Allahu 'anha) was crying because she had been made to ride a slow camel. The Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) didn't tell her she was being unreasonable. Instead, he wiped her tears, comforted her, and even tried to find her another camel.

Devotion
When the husband gives priority to the wife's needs and commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her, she feels adored and special. When she is more important to him than work, television, etc., then she feels his *devotion*.

Example: Look at her when she talks to you. Don't be afraid to show your devotion. The Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) openly stated his love for his wives.

Reassurance
To repeatedly do all of the above *reassures* the wife that she is continually loved. The husband must reassure his wife of his love again and again.

Example: Give her a hug and say "I love you" 4 times a day at least.


For the woman



Love needs of a man:

Trust
When the wife's attitude is open and receptive toward her husband, he feels *trusted*. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his wife. This positive belief should be reflected by the wife's interactions with her husband.

Example: The husband is trying to fix the kitchen sink. As he struggles with the wrench, the wife looks on and says, "Maybe you should call a plumber..." The husband feels crushed because he thinks she doesn't trust him to do what's best for them. Instead, the wife should refrain from giving unsolicited advice (except Islamic advice, of course).

Encouragement
Hadith in Sahih Al-Bukhari
When the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) received the first revelation from Allah, he was terrified and sought comfort with his wife Khadija. He said, "I fear that something may happen to me." Khadija replied, "Never! But have the glad tidings, for by Allah, Allah will never disgrace you as you keep good relations with your kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guest generously and assist the deserving, calamity-afflicted ones."

When the wife expresses confidence in her husband's abilities and character, it fills him with hope and courage and he feels *encouraged*.

Admiration
This was narrated in Dala'el Al-Nubuwa for Imam Abu Nu'aim with isnad including Imam Bukhari and Imam Ibn Khuzaina.
Once the prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) was sitting in a room with Aisha and fixing his shoes. It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight was staring at him long enough for him to notice. He said, "What's the matter?" She replied, "If Abu Bukair Al-Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you." The Prophet (sallaAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam) asked, "What did he say?" She replied, "Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see." So the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, "Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more."

When the wife views the husband with wonder, delight, and pleased approval, the husband feels *admired*. Telling him what to do as if he were a child does not make him feel admired. Admiration is when the wife is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or talents like humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, etc.

Approval
When the wife acknowledges the goodness in her husband and expresses overall satisfaction with him, the husband receives the *approval* he needs. An approving attitude looks for the good reasons behind what the husband does (even if she doesn't agree with the act itself). Every man wants to be his wife's hero. The sign that he's achieved that is his wife's approval.

Example: If the wife expresses her upset feelings indirectly with rhetorical questions like, "How could you do that?" he feels she has taken away her approval of him. He no longer feels like the good guy.

Appreciation
When the wife acknowledges having received personal benefit and value from her husband's efforts and behaviour, he feels *appreciated*. When a man is appreciated, he knows his effort is not wasted and is thus encouraged to give more.

Example: Acknowledge what your husband has done for you instead of just complaining about what he has not done. If he doesn't hear your appreciation, he won't continue his efforts.

Acceptance
When the wife lovingly receives her husband without trying to change him, he feels *accepted*. This accepting attitude does not mean that she believes he is perfect, but it indicates that she is not trying to improve him and that she trusts him to make his own improvements.

Example: Don't nag him about his bad habits or try to control his behaviour by sharing upset or negative feelings. Sharing feelings is ok, but not when used to punish or manipulate.






2012 fashion,

Party hijab style - Tutorial

6:04 PM S. H. 0 Comments

Salam wa leykum, I'm so happy don't ask why I don't even know why, you know those days when you weak up and you feel just Happy?, Today is one of those days, although I think it should be like that every day, isn't it?.

And because I'm happy here you have a Step by Step Party hijab style, just follow the steps in the pictures, but remember if you are not that good to make this or any other styles by yourself, you can find them All ready to wear in Muslim Elegance Shop (remember you need to be signed in Facebook first to can see the page).


1. Use a cotton under scarf to stabilise your hijab.


Find this Under scarf in Muslim Elegance Shop


2. Glittery tulle scarf from Muslim Elegance


3.New Chiffon-Satin soiree scarf from Muslim Elegance

4. Glittery tulle scarf in different colors from Muslim Elegance


5. Organza-lace Scarf from Muslim Elegance


6. Sequined headband from Muslim Elegance

7. Find all kind of Pins and security pins on Muslim Elegance


8.Back view before the ruffles

9. Back view of the style after you ruffle all the scarves in the back


10.use the edge of the scarf to make some ruffles on the side


11.Add some pins in flower shapes to give a special touch to your look, and that's all!!


All scarves and under scarves used here you can find them in Muslim Elegance Shop

Buy this and other Hijab Styles Ready to Wear in Muslim Elegance Shop

2012 fashion,

More Hijab Fashion 2012

12:01 AM S. H. 0 Comments

This styles are from an other local shop in egypt, the styles are not more different from the yesterday's post, but the location is beautiful, what more Egyptian than the Piramids of Giza?

















2012 fashion,

Hijab Fashion Style for this 2012

9:36 PM S. H. 0 Comments

Ok so here it is a new option on styles for all of us, although I think less is more in this occasion, is understandable that you want to feature more clothes in just one shot, so the models are wearing in my opinion pieces that will be better if you use them alone.


I love that the hijab stylist is covering completely neck,ears and hair of the models, something we don't see more in fashion.



Ruffles on the neck very trendy
Animal print not my style



Love it!



I love the blue color


Nice!



I like but not too sure about two scarves



This is what I was talking about, love the jacket and the blouse under it but together I just don't think they looks good together.




I love, love, love this look, kind of bohemio.


Cute



I love the scarf and the bag.


So all this styles are in almost all the fancy shops in Egypt, but if you are a good searcher then you will find them and others for less, sooooo.....lucky of you if you buy them and sorry if you are not in Egypt hehehehe.

crzy thoughts,

Men And Women's Differences due... PERSONALITY

6:32 PM S. H. 0 Comments

while reading the next article, I came to the conclusion that if scientist turn to study what Quran says better than tray to "Discover what is already discovered", we will save a lot of time and effort,not to mention money.Have you heard about the famous book
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? is a book written by John Gray. The book has sold more than 7 million copies worldwide, I have never read it and insh'allah I'll never do it, just by reading the title I know is about how different men and woman are due the gender factor,something I'm in complete disagree, but in this "New wold" full of "Opportunities" for everyone where is claimed to be the "Modern Era" where no Discrimination exist (aha, and then you weak up and realize it was a dream), there is people trying to prove how different we are and when some one proves the contrary then they come with another "Strategy", this is the case of the article I talk about in the beginning of this post.. if you are interested please read it compleate, then if you turn to what the Quran say, we found that Man and Women are different due their personality which is formed according the circumstances and the availability of resources and not because a sex difference(second article in this post).
-------------------------------------
Men And Women's Differences Extend To Personality, Study Claims
by Claire Gordon

Men and women are more alike than different -- that's been the consensus view for many years among the researchers who study personality differences between the sexes. But a new study claims this wisdom is wrong. By correcting for measurement errors, three researchers put forth a study that was published on Wednesday on the Public Library of Science website saying they've found that men and women feel and behave in markedly different ways. They're almost like "different species," Paul Irwing, one of the researchers, told The Huffington Post.

The research, conducted by Marco Del Giudice of Italy's University of Turin and Irwing and Tom Booth of the UK's University of Manchester, involved getting 10,000 Americans to take a questionnaire that measured 15 different personality traits. According to their analysis,

"men are far more dominant, reserved, utilitarian, vigilant, rule-conscious, and
emotionally stable"
, while

"women are far more deferential, warm, trusting, sensitive, and emotionally
"reactive."
The two sexes were roughly the same when it came to perfectionism, liveliness, and abstract versus practical thinking.

"If you translate it into the simplest terms," said Irwing, "only 18 percent of men and women match in terms of personality profiles, and that's staggeringly different from the consensus view."

The consensus view, most persuasively set out in a 2005 study by Janet Shibley Hyde, a professor of psychology and women's studies at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, demonstrated through a meta-analysis of 46 other studies that men and women were actually very similar, not only in personality traits, but in other realms of supposed gender difference, like self-esteem, leadership, and math ability.

In the early 1970s, Hyde became one of the first researchers to focus on the psychology of women. "Before that, psychology had been a psychology of men," Hyde told The Huffington Post, and many theories had been developed based on entirely male samples. So she began to study women, and the differences between women and men, and was surprised at how small those differences turned out to be. "I mean, I was trying to study difference," Hyde said.

Hyde says the final figure Irwing, Del Giudice, and Booth came up with -- the "global sex difference" -- is "really uninterpretable, it doesn't mean anything."

In past studies on this topic, researchers would simply add up all the survey responses, according to Del Giudice. This led to imperfect results because of careless responses and misreadings. Through a sophisticated method called "structure equation modeling," the researchers claim they were able to remove this random error. When asked if he could translate this concept for a lay person, Irwing replied: "I teach courses on this and it takes me approximately 20 hours."

Past research also usually compared one variable at a time, Del Giudice said. He believes this method led to underestimations of the sex difference because when you actually combine all personality traits, with all their small discrepancies, the result is a much more significant difference. For example, if you were to examine the difference between men and women's body types using the traditional method, you would look at torso circumference and waist-hip ratios and torso-leg ratios, one by one. In Del Giudice's method, you would crunch all these figures into one much larger number. And that's what he did with personality.

"They kind of globbed together all these personality dimensions and said there was a big difference," Hyde said. "They're throwing together apples and oranges and dishwashers to get this thing in 15-dimensional space. We don't know what 15-dimensional space looks like."

But Del Giudice contends that his team didn't measure "a haphazard list of traits." Rather, they considered 15 facets that could offer a reasonably complete picture of a person's personality.

Irwing thinks that some researchers in the past may have been biased in their methods, in order to reduce any gender difference. "It's for totally laudable reasons," he said. "People are very concerned, or were very concerned, that women didn't get equal opportunities, and that there was a lot of bias in selection processes."

"People are afraid that studies like ours will turn the clock back," Irwing added.

Hyde is one of those people. "This huge difference is not only scientifically false," she said, "it has unfortunate consequences for places like the workplace and education and heterosexual romantic relationships."

But the authors stand by their results, and are currently drafting a lengthy response to Hyde's objections. "I think distorting science because of what you would like to believe, or because of what you think the political consequences are, is very dangerous," said Irwing.

The study doesn't speculate as to whether the alleged differences are due to nature or nurture, although Irwing points out the results are consistent with standard evolutionary theory. Even if these differences aren't indelibly printed in our genes, Hyde believes there's still cause for alarm.

If men and women have wildly different personalities, "then how can we do the same job men can, and deserve equal pay for equal work?" she asked. "A married couple have marital difficulties, and they go to the therapist, who says 'he's from Mars, you're from Venus, you'll never be able to communicate. It's hopeless.' If you have a gender similarities point of view, you just need to work on communicating."

----------------------------------------------------
The Woman's Personality
and Role in Life
(An edited summary of Sayyed Fadlullah's view)


Women in the Queen are cited as role models for both men and women, which proves that Islam does not consider women as anything but equal to men; their innate weakness and tendency to be emotional can surely be overcome if favorable conditions and a strong belief are available.

The woman's Personality

How do we discover the woman's personality? Should we go to the religious texts? Or should we study the elements of this personality through the woman's interactions in life?

We believe that the second option is the objective and realistic one. It also constitutes a base for understanding the religious texts enabling us to interpret them in a way that does not contradict with the outside world, or to deduce that some traditions are not authentic since they contradict the principles of our doctrines as manifested by the Quran and the authentic traditions.

In the light of these guidelines, we observe that it is difficult to distinguish between a man and a woman who live in similar cultural social and political circumstances. The man's awareness and understanding of these circumstances is not greater than that of the woman. On the contrary, we see in many examples that women have outdone men in their clear vision and deep understanding owing to certain internal and external factors. This is what we notice in certain historic examples when the women live in favorable cultural and social conditions. They were able to assert their effective and active role that is based on the pillars of thought and doctrine.

This is what the Quran tells us when Allah talks about Lady Mary (a.s.) and the Pharaoh’s wife, and this is what history tells us when it speaks about such models as Khadija, the Mother of believers, Fatima Az-Zahra' (The Prophet's daughter) and Zainab bint Ali…. And about the positions and stands those great ladies had that are based on their belief, spirituality and understanding of the religion and the circumstances around them and how they challenged the situations that confronted them. All these prove that there is no difference between them and the men that lived in their time.

If some people talk about certain unique traits in the personality of these woman, we do not find any special attributes they were adorned with except that they lived in natural circumstances that enabled them to develop spirituality and mentally, as well as their commitment in practice and that the elements of their personality were able to balance one another in a natural way to allow them to develop in the way they did. We cannot say that they were granted supernatural powers in a way that we can no longer say that they are ordinary women, for this is not proved beyond any doubt, although in the case of Mary, Allah says that he had chosen her due to her spirituality and obedience of God.

But if God has guided her by the spirit He sent her, there is no supernatural power she possesses as such.

It is a grace from Allah that aimed at guiding her as to how to act and to give her spiritual strength to continue to act in the normal way she did and to give her more strength to fight the natural human weakness that lies in her just as any man would encounter in such situations.

The Quran of Sheba is a Quranic example of how wise a woman could be, as a ruler that studies all the elements and examines all the options before taking any decision, a woman that is not ruled by her emotions but by her mind. These attributes enabled her to rule over men who found in her the rational and capable person that is capable of running their affairs.

We deduce form this example that women are capable of overcoming the inner weakens that negatively affect their judgment, suggesting that weakness in women is not an inescapable fate.

Another example we should study is Pharaoh’s wife who lived a life of extreme extravagance, but she refused all that because of her belief which made her unable to reconcile between the life she was living in and the poverty and deprivation of the masses, as well as her husband's role in wronging them.

Thus, she asked Allah to build her a place in Heaven as a symbol of her refusal of the reality and to enable her to be strong each time she found some weakness taking the better of her. She asked God to save her from Pharaoh and his tyrannical actions, as well as the people who helped him in his wronging.

Thus she became a role model for believers both men and women. Mary(a.s.) too was a role model for all believers in her belief in God and in her morals and devoutness, to the extent that all of her life was an extended prayer and a token of belief in Allah and obedience to His Will . God cites as an example of those who believed, the wife of Pharaoh. She said: "My Lord, build a home for me near You in Paradise, and save me from Pharaoh and his works; and save me from the transgressing people." Also Mary, the daughter of Imran, who maintained her chastity. So We blew into her from Our spirit, and she believed in the words of her Lord and His Scriptures; and she was of those who were obedient. 66:11-12


Taking the strong believing women as role models for both men and women, clearly
indicates that the Quran acknowledges the woman's ability to be a strong person
who can overcome any innate weakens in her. The woman, thus, could well be a
role model just like the man, since both are capable of humanistic giving
without any differences pertaining to their sex.
The difference in sex does not hinder the ability of being strong on the levels of thinking, giving, having a strong willpower and the ability to take the right decision and the right position after studying all options, once the circumstances that favor creativity and rational thinking are available.